Read an article
today that catches my attention by Mark Manson, a South American writer and author.
It is so true and meaningful that decide to replicate the in my blog as
follows.
today that catches my attention by Mark Manson, a South American writer and author.
It is so true and meaningful that decide to replicate the in my blog as
follows.
What happen is
the writer turned 30 and sent an email out to readers and asked those of age 37
and older what advice they would give their 30-year-old selves. He received
more than 600 responses, many was from the quality of insight people sent. What
surprised him was just how consistent some of the advice was. It seems there
really are a few core pieces of advice that are particularly relevant to this
decade of your life.
the writer turned 30 and sent an email out to readers and asked those of age 37
and older what advice they would give their 30-year-old selves. He received
more than 600 responses, many was from the quality of insight people sent. What
surprised him was just how consistent some of the advice was. It seems there
really are a few core pieces of advice that are particularly relevant to this
decade of your life.
Below are 10 of
the most common themes appearing throughout all of the emails.
the most common themes appearing throughout all of the emails.
1. Start Saving For Retirement Now, Not Later
“I spent my 20s
recklessly, but your 30s should be when you make a big financial push.
Retirement planning is not something to put off. Understanding boring things
like insurance, 401ks & mortgages is important since it’s all on your
shoulders now. Educate yourself.” (Kash, 41)
recklessly, but your 30s should be when you make a big financial push.
Retirement planning is not something to put off. Understanding boring things
like insurance, 401ks & mortgages is important since it’s all on your
shoulders now. Educate yourself.” (Kash, 41)
The most common
piece of advice — so common that almost every single email said at least
something about it — was to start getting your financial house in order and
to start saving for retirement … today.
piece of advice — so common that almost every single email said at least
something about it — was to start getting your financial house in order and
to start saving for retirement … today.
There were a
few categories this advice fell into:
few categories this advice fell into:
- Make it
your top priority to pay down all of your debt as soon as possible. - Keep an
emergency fund — there were tons of horror stories about people getting
financially ruined by health issues, lawsuits, divorces, bad business
deals, etc. - Stash away
a portion of every paycheck, preferably into a 401k, an IRA, or, at the
least, a savings account. - Don’t
spend frivolously. Don’t buy a home unless you can afford to get a good
mortgage with good rates. - Don’t
invest in anything you don’t understand. Don’t trust stockbrokers.
One reader
said, “If you are in debt more than 10% of your gross annual salary this is a
huge red flag. Quit spending, pay off your debt, and start saving.” Another
wrote, “I would have saved more money in an emergency fund because unexpected
expenses really killed my budget. I would have been more diligent about a
retirement fund, because now mine looks pretty small.”
said, “If you are in debt more than 10% of your gross annual salary this is a
huge red flag. Quit spending, pay off your debt, and start saving.” Another
wrote, “I would have saved more money in an emergency fund because unexpected
expenses really killed my budget. I would have been more diligent about a
retirement fund, because now mine looks pretty small.”
And then there
were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in
their 30s. One reader named Jodi wishes she had started saving 10% of every
paycheck when she was 30. Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s
stuck at 57, still
living paycheck to paycheck.
were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in
their 30s. One reader named Jodi wishes she had started saving 10% of every
paycheck when she was 30. Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s
stuck at 57, still
living paycheck to paycheck.
Another woman, 62, didn’t save because her husband
out-earned her. They later got
divorced and she ran into health problems, draining all of the money she’d
received in the divorce settlement. She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck,
slowly waiting for the day Social Security kicks in. Another man related a
story of having to be supported by his son because he didn’t save and
unexpectedly lost his job in the 2008 crash.
out-earned her. They later got
divorced and she ran into health problems, draining all of the money she’d
received in the divorce settlement. She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck,
slowly waiting for the day Social Security kicks in. Another man related a
story of having to be supported by his son because he didn’t save and
unexpectedly lost his job in the 2008 crash.
The point was clear:
Save early and save as much as possible.
Save early and save as much as possible.
One woman emailed me saying that she
had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock
away some money in a retirement fund each year. Because she started early and
invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first
time in her life. Her point: It’s always possible. You just have to do it.
had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock
away some money in a retirement fund each year. Because she started early and
invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first
time in her life. Her point: It’s always possible. You just have to do it.
2. Start Taking Care Of Your Health Now, Not Later
“Your mind’s
acceptance of age is 10 to 15 years behind your body’s aging. Your health will
go faster than you think but it will be very hard to notice, not the least
because you don’t want it to happen.” (Tom, 55)
acceptance of age is 10 to 15 years behind your body’s aging. Your health will
go faster than you think but it will be very hard to notice, not the least
because you don’t want it to happen.” (Tom, 55)
We all know to
take care of our health. We all know to eat better and sleep better and exercise more and
blah, blah, blah. But just as with the retirement savings, the response from
the older readers was loud and unanimous: Get healthy and stay healthy now.
take care of our health. We all know to eat better and sleep better and exercise more and
blah, blah, blah. But just as with the retirement savings, the response from
the older readers was loud and unanimous: Get healthy and stay healthy now.
So many people
said it that I’m not even going to bother quoting anybody else. Their points
were pretty much all the same: The way you treat your body has a cumulative
effect. It’s not that your body suddenly breaks down one year — It’s been
breaking down all along without your noticing. This is the decade to slow
down that breakage.
said it that I’m not even going to bother quoting anybody else. Their points
were pretty much all the same: The way you treat your body has a cumulative
effect. It’s not that your body suddenly breaks down one year — It’s been
breaking down all along without your noticing. This is the decade to slow
down that breakage.
And this wasn’t
just your typical motherly advice to eat your veggies. These were emails from
cancer survivors, heart-attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with
diabetes and blood-pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain.
just your typical motherly advice to eat your veggies. These were emails from
cancer survivors, heart-attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with
diabetes and blood-pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain.
They all said
the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising
and I would not stop. I made excuses then. But I had no idea.”
the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising
and I would not stop. I made excuses then. But I had no idea.”
3. Don’t Spend Time With People Who Don’t Treat You Well
“Learn how to
say no to people, activities, and obligations that don’t bring value to your
life.” (Hayley, 37)
say no to people, activities, and obligations that don’t bring value to your
life.” (Hayley, 37)
After calls to take care of your health and your finances, the most common
piece of advice from people looking back at their 30-year-old selves was an
interesting one: They would go back and enforce stronger boundaries
in their lives and dedicate their time to better people. “Setting healthy
boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself or another person.”
(Kristen, 43)
piece of advice from people looking back at their 30-year-old selves was an
interesting one: They would go back and enforce stronger boundaries
in their lives and dedicate their time to better people. “Setting healthy
boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself or another person.”
(Kristen, 43)
What does that
mean specifically?
mean specifically?
“Don’t tolerate
people who don’t treat you well. Period. Don’t tolerate them for financial
reasons. Don’t tolerate them for emotional reasons. Don’t tolerate them for the
children’s sake or for convenience’ sake.” (Jane, 52)
people who don’t treat you well. Period. Don’t tolerate them for financial
reasons. Don’t tolerate them for emotional reasons. Don’t tolerate them for the
children’s sake or for convenience’ sake.” (Jane, 52)
“Don’t settle
for mediocre friends, jobs, love, relationships and life.” (Sean, 43)
for mediocre friends, jobs, love, relationships and life.” (Sean, 43)
“Stay away from
miserable people … they will consume you, drain you.” (Gabriella, 43)
miserable people … they will consume you, drain you.” (Gabriella, 43)
“Surround
yourself and only date people who make you a better version of yourself, who
bring out your best parts, love and accept you.” (Xochie)
yourself and only date people who make you a better version of yourself, who
bring out your best parts, love and accept you.” (Xochie)
People
typically struggle with boundaries because they find it difficult to hurt
someone else’s feelings, or they get caught up in the desire to change the
other person or make them treat them the way they want to be treated. This
never works. And in fact, it often makes it worse.
typically struggle with boundaries because they find it difficult to hurt
someone else’s feelings, or they get caught up in the desire to change the
other person or make them treat them the way they want to be treated. This
never works. And in fact, it often makes it worse.
As one reader
wisely said, “Selfishness and self-interest are two different things. Sometimes
you have to be cruel to be kind.”
wisely said, “Selfishness and self-interest are two different things. Sometimes
you have to be cruel to be kind.”
When we’re in
our 20s, the world is so open to opportunity and we’re so short on experience
that we cling to the people we meet, even if they’ve done nothing to earn our
clingage.
our 20s, the world is so open to opportunity and we’re so short on experience
that we cling to the people we meet, even if they’ve done nothing to earn our
clingage.
But by our 30s
we’ve learned that good relationships are hard to come by, that there’s no shortage
of people to meet and friends to be made, and that there’s no reason to waste
our time with people who don’t help us on our life’s path.
we’ve learned that good relationships are hard to come by, that there’s no shortage
of people to meet and friends to be made, and that there’s no reason to waste
our time with people who don’t help us on our life’s path.
4. Be Good To The People You Care About
“Show up with
and for your friends. You matter, and your presence matters.” (Jessica, 40)
and for your friends. You matter, and your presence matters.” (Jessica, 40)
Conversely,
while enforcing stricter boundaries on who we let into our lives, many readers
advised to make the time for those friends and family we do decide to keep
close.
while enforcing stricter boundaries on who we let into our lives, many readers
advised to make the time for those friends and family we do decide to keep
close.
“I think
sometimes I may have taken some relationships for granted, and when that person
is gone, they’re gone. Unfortunately, the older you get, well, things start to
happen, and it will affect those closest to you.” (Ed, 45)
sometimes I may have taken some relationships for granted, and when that person
is gone, they’re gone. Unfortunately, the older you get, well, things start to
happen, and it will affect those closest to you.” (Ed, 45)
“Appreciate
those close to you. You can get money back and jobs back, but you can never get
time back.” (Anne, 41)
those close to you. You can get money back and jobs back, but you can never get
time back.” (Anne, 41)
“Tragedy
happens in everyone’s life, everyone’s circle of family and friends. Be the
person that others can count on when it does. I think that between 30 and 40 is
the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have
thought never would happen to you or those you love.”
happens in everyone’s life, everyone’s circle of family and friends. Be the
person that others can count on when it does. I think that between 30 and 40 is
the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have
thought never would happen to you or those you love.”
“Parents
die, spouses die, babies are stillborn, friends get divorced, spouses cheat …
the list goes on and on. Helping someone through these times by simply being
there, listening and not judging, is an honor and will deepen your
relationships in ways you probably can’t yet imagine.” (Rebecca, 40)
die, spouses die, babies are stillborn, friends get divorced, spouses cheat …
the list goes on and on. Helping someone through these times by simply being
there, listening and not judging, is an honor and will deepen your
relationships in ways you probably can’t yet imagine.” (Rebecca, 40)
5. You Can’t Have Everything. Focus On Doing A Few Things
Really Well
Really Well
“Everything in
life is a trade-off. You give up one thing to get another and you can’t have it
all. Accept that.” (Eldri, 60)
life is a trade-off. You give up one thing to get another and you can’t have it
all. Accept that.” (Eldri, 60)
In our 20s we
have a lot of dreams. We believe that we have all of the time in the world. I
myself remember having illusions that my website would be my first career of
many. Little did I
know that it took the better part of a decade to even get competent at this.
And now that I’m competent and have a major advantage and love what I do, why
would I ever trade that in for another career?
have a lot of dreams. We believe that we have all of the time in the world. I
myself remember having illusions that my website would be my first career of
many. Little did I
know that it took the better part of a decade to even get competent at this.
And now that I’m competent and have a major advantage and love what I do, why
would I ever trade that in for another career?
“In a word:
focus. You can simply get more done in life if you focus on one thing and do it
really well. Focus more.” (Ericson, 49)
focus. You can simply get more done in life if you focus on one thing and do it
really well. Focus more.” (Ericson, 49)
Another reader:
“I would tell myself to focus on one or two goals/aspirations/dreams and really
work towards them. Don’t get distracted.” And another: “You have to accept that
you cannot do everything. It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything
special in life.”
“I would tell myself to focus on one or two goals/aspirations/dreams and really
work towards them. Don’t get distracted.” And another: “You have to accept that
you cannot do everything. It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything
special in life.”
A few readers
noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or
early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong
choices. It takes years to figure out what we’re good at and what we enjoy
doing. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over
the course of lifetime than to half-ass something else.
noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or
early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong
choices. It takes years to figure out what we’re good at and what we enjoy
doing. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over
the course of lifetime than to half-ass something else.
“I’d tell my
30-year-old self to set aside what other people think and identify my natural
strengths and what I’m passionate about, and then build a life around those.”
(Sara, 58)
30-year-old self to set aside what other people think and identify my natural
strengths and what I’m passionate about, and then build a life around those.”
(Sara, 58)
For some
people, this will mean taking big risks, even in their 30s and beyond. It may
mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they
worked hard for and became accustomed to. Which brings us to …
people, this will mean taking big risks, even in their 30s and beyond. It may
mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they
worked hard for and became accustomed to. Which brings us to …
6. Don’t Be Afraid Of Taking Risks. You Can Still Change
“While by age
30 most feel they should have their career dialed in, it is never too late to
reset. The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this
decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right. It is such
an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40
with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on a problem they were aware of 10
years prior but failed to act.” (Richard, 41)
30 most feel they should have their career dialed in, it is never too late to
reset. The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this
decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right. It is such
an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40
with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on a problem they were aware of 10
years prior but failed to act.” (Richard, 41)
“Biggest
regrets I have are almost exclusively things I did *not* do.” (Sam, 47)
regrets I have are almost exclusively things I did *not* do.” (Sam, 47)
Many readers
commented on how society tells us that by 30 we should have things “figured out”
— our career situation, our dating/marriage situation, our financial situation,
and so on. But this isn’t true. And, in fact, dozens and dozens of readers
implored to not let these social expectations of “being an adult” deter you
from taking some major risks and starting over.
commented on how society tells us that by 30 we should have things “figured out”
— our career situation, our dating/marriage situation, our financial situation,
and so on. But this isn’t true. And, in fact, dozens and dozens of readers
implored to not let these social expectations of “being an adult” deter you
from taking some major risks and starting over.
As someone on
my Facebook
page responded: “All adults are winging it.”
my Facebook
page responded: “All adults are winging it.”
“I am about to turn 41 and would
tell my 30 year old self that you do not have conform you life to an ideal that
you do not believe in. Live your life, don’t let it live you. Don’t be afraid
of tearing it all down if you have to, you have the power to build it all back
up again.” (Lisa, 41)
Multiple readers related making
major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so. One left a
lucrative job as a military engineer to become a teacher.Twenty years later, he called it
one of the best decisions of his life.
When I asked my mom this question, her
answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more.
Your dad and I kind of figured we had to do thing A, thing B, thing C, but
looking back I realize we didn’t have to at all; we were very narrow in our
thinking and our lifestyles and I kind of regret that.”
“Less fear. Less fear. Less
fear. I am about to turn 50 next year, and I am just getting that lesson. Fear
was such a detrimental driving force in my life at 30.
“It affected my marriage, my
career, my self-image in a fiercely negative manner. I was guilty of: Assuming
conversations that others might be having about me. Thinking that I might
fail. Wondering what the outcome might be. If I could do it again, I
would have risked more.” (Aida, 49)
7. You Must Continue To Grow And
Develop Yourself
“You have two assets that you
can never get back once you’ve lost them: your body and your mind. Most people
stop growing and working on themselves in their 20s. Most people in their 30s
are too busy to worry about self-improvement. But if you’re one of the few who
continues to educate themselves, evolve their thinking and take care of their
mental and physical health, you will be light-years ahead of the pack by 40.” (Stan, 48)
tell my 30 year old self that you do not have conform you life to an ideal that
you do not believe in. Live your life, don’t let it live you. Don’t be afraid
of tearing it all down if you have to, you have the power to build it all back
up again.” (Lisa, 41)
Multiple readers related making
major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so. One left a
lucrative job as a military engineer to become a teacher.Twenty years later, he called it
one of the best decisions of his life.
When I asked my mom this question, her
answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more.
Your dad and I kind of figured we had to do thing A, thing B, thing C, but
looking back I realize we didn’t have to at all; we were very narrow in our
thinking and our lifestyles and I kind of regret that.”
“Less fear. Less fear. Less
fear. I am about to turn 50 next year, and I am just getting that lesson. Fear
was such a detrimental driving force in my life at 30.
“It affected my marriage, my
career, my self-image in a fiercely negative manner. I was guilty of: Assuming
conversations that others might be having about me. Thinking that I might
fail. Wondering what the outcome might be. If I could do it again, I
would have risked more.” (Aida, 49)
7. You Must Continue To Grow And
Develop Yourself
“You have two assets that you
can never get back once you’ve lost them: your body and your mind. Most people
stop growing and working on themselves in their 20s. Most people in their 30s
are too busy to worry about self-improvement. But if you’re one of the few who
continues to educate themselves, evolve their thinking and take care of their
mental and physical health, you will be light-years ahead of the pack by 40.” (Stan, 48)
It follows that if one can still
change in their 30s — and should continue to change in their 30s —
then one must continue to work to improve and grow. Many readers related the
choice of going back to school and getting their degrees in their 30s as one of
the most useful things they had ever done. Others talked of taking extra
seminars and courses
to get a leg up.
Others started their first
businesses or moved to new countries. Others checked themselves into therapy or began
a meditation
practice.
A friend of mine said that at 29
he decided that his mind was his most valuable asset, and he decided to invest
in it. He spent thousands on his own education, on seminars, on various
therapies. And at 54, he insists that it was one of the best decisions he ever
made.
“The number one goal should be to
try to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague etc. — in
other words to grow as an individual.” (Aimilia, 39)
8. Nobody (Still) Knows What
They’re Doing. Get Used To It
“Unless you are already dead
— mentally, emotionally, and socially — you cannot anticipate your life 5 years
into the future. It will not develop as you expect. So just stop it. Stop
assuming you can plan far ahead, stop obsessing about what is happening right
now because it will change anyway, and get over the control issue about your
life’s direction. Fortunately, because this is true, you can take even more
chances and not lose anything; you cannot lose what you never had. Besides,
most feelings of loss are in your mind anyway – few matter in the long term.” (Thomas, 56)
try to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague etc. — in
other words to grow as an individual.” (Aimilia, 39)
8. Nobody (Still) Knows What
They’re Doing. Get Used To It
“Unless you are already dead
— mentally, emotionally, and socially — you cannot anticipate your life 5 years
into the future. It will not develop as you expect. So just stop it. Stop
assuming you can plan far ahead, stop obsessing about what is happening right
now because it will change anyway, and get over the control issue about your
life’s direction. Fortunately, because this is true, you can take even more
chances and not lose anything; you cannot lose what you never had. Besides,
most feelings of loss are in your mind anyway – few matter in the long term.” (Thomas, 56)
In my article about what I learned in
my 20s, one of my lessons was “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing” and that
this was good news. Well, according to the 40-plus crowd, this continues to be
true in one’s 30s and, well, forever it seems; and it continues to be good news
forever as well.
“Most of what you think is important
now will seem unimportant in 10 or 20 years and that’s OK. That’s called
growth. Just try to remember to not take yourself so seriously all the time and
be open to it.” (Simon, 57)
“Despite feeling somewhat
invincible for the last decade, you really don’t know what’s going to happen
and neither does anyone else, no matter how confidently they talk. While this
is disturbing to those who cling to permanence or security, it’s truly
liberating once you grasp the truth that things are always changing. To finish,
there might be times that are really sad.
Don’t dull the pain or avoid it.
Sorrow is part of everyone’s life and the consequence of an open and passionate
heart. Honor that. Above all, be kind to yourself and others. It’s such a
brilliant and beautiful ride and keeps on getting better.” (Prue, 38)
“I’m 44. I would remind my
30-year-old self that at 40, my 30s would be equally filled with dumb stuff,
different stuff, but still dumb stuff … So, 30-year-old self, don’t go getting
on your high horse. You STILL don’t know it all. And that’s a good thing.”
(Shirley, 44)
9. Invest in Your Family. It’s
Worth It
“Spend more time with your
folks. It’s a different relationship when you’re an adult and it’s up to you
how you redefine your interactions. They are always going to see you as their
kid until the moment you can make them see you as your own man. Everyone gets
old. Everyone dies. Take advantage of the time you have left to set things
right and enjoy your family.” (Kash, 41)
I was overwhelmed by the number
of responses about family and the power of those responses. Family is the big
new relevant topic for this decade for me, because you get it on both ends.
Your parents are old and you need
to start considering how your relationship with them is going to function as a
self-sufficient adult. And then you also need to contemplate creating a family
of your own.
Pretty much everybody agreed to
get over whatever problems you have with your parents and find a way to make it
work with them. One reader wrote, “You’re too old to blame your parents for any
of your own short-comings now. At 20 you could get away with it; you’d just
left the house. At 30, you’re a grown-up. Seriously. Move on.”
But then there’s the question
that plagues every single 30-year-old: to baby or not to baby? “You don’t have the time. You
don’t have the money. You need to perfect your career first. They’ll end your
life as you know it. Kids are great. They make you better in every way. They push you to your
limits. They make you happy. You should not defer having kids. If you are 30,
now is the time to get real about this. You will never regret it.” (Kevin, 38)
“It’s never the ‘right time’ for
children because you have no idea what you’re getting into until you have one.
If you have a good marriage and environment to raise them, err on having them
earlier rather than later, you’ll get to enjoy more of them.” (Cindy, 45)
“All my preconceived notions
about what a married life is like were wrong. Unless you’ve already been
married, everyone’s are. Especially once you have kids.
Try to stay open to the experience and fluid as a person; your marriage is
worth it, and your happiness seems as much tied to your ability to change and
adapt as anything else. I wasn’t planning on having kids.
From a purely selfish
perspective, this was the dumbest thing of all. Children are the most
fulfilling, challenging, and exhausting endeavor anyone can ever undertake.
Ever.” (Rich, 44)
The consensus about marriage
seemed to be that it was worth it, assuming you had a healthy relationship with
the right person. If not, you should run the other way (See #3).
But interestingly, I got a number
of emails like the following:
“What I know now vs. 10 to 13
years ago is simply this … bars, woman, beaches, drink after drink, clubs,
bottle service, trips to different cities because I had no responsibility other
than work, etc. I would trade every memory of that life for a good woman who
was actually in love with me … and maybe a family. I would add, don’t forgot to
actually grow up and start a family and take on responsibilities other than
success at work. I am still having a little bit of fun … but sometimes when I
go out, I feel like the guy who kept coming back to high school after he
graduated (think Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused).
I see people in love and on dates everywhere. “Everyone” my age is in their
first or second marriage by now! Being perpetually single sounds amazing to all
of my married friends but it is not the way one should choose to live their
life.” (Anonymous, 43)
“I would have told myself to stop
constantly searching for the next best thing and I would have appreciated the
relationships that I had with some of the good, genuine guys that truly cared
for me. Now I’m always alone and it feels too late.” (Fara, 38)
On the flip side, there were a
small handful of emails that took the other side of the coin:
years ago is simply this … bars, woman, beaches, drink after drink, clubs,
bottle service, trips to different cities because I had no responsibility other
than work, etc. I would trade every memory of that life for a good woman who
was actually in love with me … and maybe a family. I would add, don’t forgot to
actually grow up and start a family and take on responsibilities other than
success at work. I am still having a little bit of fun … but sometimes when I
go out, I feel like the guy who kept coming back to high school after he
graduated (think Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused).
I see people in love and on dates everywhere. “Everyone” my age is in their
first or second marriage by now! Being perpetually single sounds amazing to all
of my married friends but it is not the way one should choose to live their
life.” (Anonymous, 43)
“I would have told myself to stop
constantly searching for the next best thing and I would have appreciated the
relationships that I had with some of the good, genuine guys that truly cared
for me. Now I’m always alone and it feels too late.” (Fara, 38)
On the flip side, there were a
small handful of emails that took the other side of the coin:
“Don’t feel pressured to get
married or have kids if you don’t want to. What makes one person happy doesn’t
make everyone happy. I’ve chosen to stay single and childless and I still live
a happy and fulfilled life. Do what feels right for you.” (Anonymous, 40)
Conclusion: It seems that while
family is not absolutely necessary to have a happy and fulfilling life, the
majority of people have found that family is always worth the investment,
assuming the relationships are healthy and not toxic and/or abusive.
10. Be Kind To Yourself —
Respect Yourself
“Be a little selfish and do
something for yourself every day, something different once a month and
something spectacular every year.” (Nancy, 60)
married or have kids if you don’t want to. What makes one person happy doesn’t
make everyone happy. I’ve chosen to stay single and childless and I still live
a happy and fulfilled life. Do what feels right for you.” (Anonymous, 40)
Conclusion: It seems that while
family is not absolutely necessary to have a happy and fulfilling life, the
majority of people have found that family is always worth the investment,
assuming the relationships are healthy and not toxic and/or abusive.
10. Be Kind To Yourself —
Respect Yourself
“Be a little selfish and do
something for yourself every day, something different once a month and
something spectacular every year.” (Nancy, 60)
This one was rarely the central
focus of any email, but it was present in some capacity in almost all of them:
Treat yourself better. Almost everybody said this in one form or another.
“There is no one who cares about or thinks about your life a fraction of what
you do,” one reader began, and “life is hard, so learn to love yourself now,
it’s harder to learn later” another reader finished.
Or as Renee, 40, succinctly put
it: “Be kind to yourself.”
Many readers included the old
cliche: “Don’t sweat the small stuff; and it’s almost all small stuff.”
Eldri,
60, wisely said, “When confronted with a perceived problem, ask yourself, ‘Is
this going to matter in five years, ten years?’ If not, dwell on it for a few minutes,
then let it go.” It seems many readers have focused on the subtle life lesson
of simply accepting life as is, warts and all.
Which brings me to the last
quote, from Martin, age 58:
“When I turned forty my father
told me that I’d enjoy my 40s because in your 20s you think you know what’s
going on, in your 30s you realize you probably don’t, and in your 40s you can
relax and just accept things.
I’m 58 and he was right.”
Thank you to everyone who
contributed.
contributed.
